I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
