remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
Randomize
