Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
suddenly, hermaphrodite night sounds like a really bad idea
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
