he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Randomize
