Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
