Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
