So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
Pretty sure that this text will cost me like $5 but just wanted you to know that I just smoked a bowl of kush, about to walk around shopping for hookers and i get 3 credit hours for this study abroad .... have fun studying for finals.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We are back but we are listening to stairway to heaven in my car. Amy is air drums. Be back when it's over.
Randomize
