I was able to overlook the Affliction tee until he took it off and there was another tattooed on his body.
Was it at least attractive minus the Gargoyles or skulls... or whatever affliction is putting out these days?
Even a greek god couldn't pull it off. Told him I like Ed Hardy Better. Death Before Dishonor, baby. I'm sure it was a painful blow. hopefully he understands sarcasm.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
Randomize
