I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i had a headache and asked the kid next to me for aspirin. he gave me esctacy instead. gotta love college.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity�
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
