I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
So I should just walk in, look him in the eye and say, "I just came to fuck your brother, nice to meet you" and just walk to your room.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
how drunk are you?
Several
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
