I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
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