Look at my ENTIRE past
Highly public sexual behavior gross mismanagement of funds socially unaccpetable and radical speech and thought
Might as well have a blog about it at this point
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
PS: I just woke up from my shower
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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