Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
Would you still love me and fuck me doggie style if I had a dinosaur tramp stamp?
I took out a life ins. policy Thursday. It's okay I can die in Nashville now.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
