Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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