so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
You just sat there and yelled "I JUST WANT TO RUB MY NIPPLES"
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
On a scale of zero to "unmitigated disaster," how drunk is he?
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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