I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
I do have a life. It just consists of making scarves and chesse straws now
Apparently I'm the last girl he had sex with. That was over a month ago. If he can go that long without sex then he's clearly not the guy for me
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Ladies don't puke and tell
How so I keep attracting the virgins? HOW?
You talk about your love for your ninja turtle onesie when you're drunk. Are you really surprised?
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Randomize
