i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
Randomize
