listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
She is 6 months pregnant and gets more action at bars than I do.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
