i can't believe i had my finger in that
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Relationship goals: we both wore red underwear tonight. Except he won’t know because my bra been off but it’s the thought that counts I guess.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Randomize
