I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
when a girl feels in her heart, the way she feels in her vagina, anything is possible.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
shes on the ground doing bicycle kicks screaming "is my ass good enough for you now satan" send help
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
