Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
I am at a cat party and I just witnessed people lapping vodka out of a bowl for a contest. Lol
Randomize
