I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
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