drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
you told him you liked to chip your nail polish to look like different countries. im gonna guess that no, you didn't sleep with him.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
Out of beer. Salsa pong. Never again.
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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