How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Randomize
