Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
I puked off the balcony.
Not horrible
Into the hottub. There were six people in it. I had eaten all their pizza.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He called us the '3 Amigos' and told us if hos ex wife came we had to jump the porch railing and hide in the bushes.
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
