I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
We fucked twice, I went to the bathroom to freshen up, and came back to him playing "Your Body is A Wonderland" on his guitar naked in my bed.
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Two of my roommates are waxing their vaginas in the living room. Can I come smoke?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Randomize
