when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
We just won 1800 at the casino and are going to the strip club. Who gives a fuck if it's 5pm
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Randomize
