your thong is hanging out like whoa
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Dont ask questions just say words. where can i find plan b?
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
