Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
