No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
I don't know how but I have our hotel room door handle in my purse... this can not be good
The ratio of how much he pisses me off to how much sex i get just isnt working out for me
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
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