no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
I have blocked the memory from my mind. He is just a fuzzy cloud floating with my other bad decisions..
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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