whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
