I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
Revelation of the day. Bulimia is dumb. Anorexia is easier.
You suck.
i am doomed to only fuck guys with curved cocks
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
Being on probation is a nice change of pace. It's refreshing to wake up and know what I did last night.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
Randomize
