Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
I had the most spectatular hardon this morning. I think it was trying to reach you in Wisconsin.
I'm too hungover for some lady to talk to me about potatoes
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
Great. I get laid, Leslie Nielsen dies. I can't have have sex anymore, the film community can't take another loss like this.
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
I just washed out an empty chocolate milk bottle to take whiskey on my bike ride.
You are not an adult
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
