You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
it was like, one of those nights where you keep going back to the fridge because you just can't get full. except, with sex.
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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