ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
i will never coherently bang her
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
my friend thinks you're hot & wants to fuck you ps i'm my friend
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
