He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
i'm not sure what happened. i know i woke up on the floor of his bathroom, then had morning sex with him. dont remember getting to his apt. dont remember much.
morning sex?... maybe not a total mistake then? he seems like a normal person, so rare at BU
oh no, he's far from normal. i know his high school girlfriend. she's CRAZY. and he definitely deals prescription drugs. also. he had sex with me even though i slept on his bathroom floor.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
I think he thought I was too drunk to handle his parrot
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
Randomize
