kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
