i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Hard rock hotel, wtf why am i still out, im gonna fuk 5 chix 2nite .maybe
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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