Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
Having never done that before, When should one expect the horrible shame to end? Days, months, ever?
A week or so, depending on size. In your case, maybe give it a month.
For when you/if you wake up tomorrow.. You broke 4 of the bar's glasses tonight and I am currently watching you as you ride the broom around the bar instead of cleaning up your mess. I am no longer able to come up with excuses for you.
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Well, I have no idea where my underwear is, so yea I would say it was a good weekend.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
Randomize
