My balls are so social today.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Next time I say "Watch this" Get me the fuck out of the bar.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Just thought you should know that your brother tried to febreeze his floors with cooking spray last night.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Randomize
