god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
