the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
She walked into class late sat down for 5 min muttered 'oh i cant do this' and walked out. She looked like death.
We should party with her soon
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Hey, taking organic chemistry means no one is allowed to tell you you're partying too hard.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
Randomize
