you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
Broke up w/ my married coworker...work is gonna get weird.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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