Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Randomize
