He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
