Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
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