Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
A baby just tried to pull out his mom's huge tits at work today and nearly succeeded. I was silently cheering for the little guy.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
Randomize
