You really coming over, don't trick.
jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
No. Especially when my uncle started stripping. Too many shots. So that's where I get that from.
whoever set the energy saving light timer in the lobby bathroom cleraly has no concept how long a work dump takes
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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