Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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